KNOW YOURSELF IN VIPASSAN IN INDIA
Vipassana was not at all what I was thinking. Because, first of all, I practically didn’t really know anything about it, and secondly, everyone just said “You just try it” – and that’s the end of the conversation.
In India, I was already three or four months old when I applied for vipassana in Jaipur. I was looking for the closest city to Delhi (where I still wanted to go) and for the very near future. A couple of days later I received a positive response, and I went to meditate.
There is only one center in Jaipur, it is easy to find it and go not far. Already in place, everyone needs to read the code of discipline, fill out papers, sign in some books and hand over a passport with all-all-all electronics and books with notebooks for storage. Until the evening there is an opportunity to chat, think and be nervous. After meeting in the hall with the teacher, you take noble silence and for 10 days keep silence and silence (no glances, gestures, smiles with other students, as you understand). But these are not all vows you should take. And if after that you say: “Oooh, I couldn’t be silent for so long,” then I can assure you that absolutely every person who passed the vipassana says this.
Every morning I started at 4.10, and at first I thought that I would die from getting up so early. The first morning meditations at the beginning of the course were held under the noble snoring of students unable to concentrate. My problem was – thoughts. They are so interesting, and fantasies are developing so rapidly. Why watch the breath when you can dream about something pleasant?
You spend the whole day in meditations (about ten hours) with breaks for food, lectures and communication with the teacher. In complete silence. You can not imagine how strange it is. You can only communicate with assistants, if you have questions about everyday life, or with a teacher, in order to fix the technique. It turned out that I did not know many important words on which my progress in meditation actually depended. And I understood that I didn’t have a google translator, ask someone I couldn’t, and as a result I went to a separate room for the following days to listen to the translation of everything important. So if someone has problems with English – everything is fixable.
Lectures were so helpful! Every day I learned exactly what I needed now. It was in these lectures that I learned what Vipassana really is and what does Buddha have to do with it. On suffering and attachments, on atoms and physics, ego, sankaras and samadhi. When the smart reflections of the teacher Goenki in their headphones ended (other students show a video), the songs start to sound … well, like songs … well, after them there was a technique or advice on what to work tomorrow.
Honestly, I thought that I was doing nonsense and wasting my precious time (mind is difficult to control), but that all changed when I felt my breath for the second day. I do not know how to explain it: so I breathed through my nose for fifteen hours and tried to catch it, and then op – you feel it so subtly! As the air passes through the nostrils farther into the nose, it is so cold … and how immediately it hardly touches the upper lip. I thought that I would scream with happiness, that I finally managed to feel it. And then such victories came after me every time, and I didn’t understand how it was possible at all. As so it happens.
Probably everyone had their own impressions of such discoveries, but for me it was precisely the victory over themselves. Every time I understood that I was patient, and everything worked out for me. I was able to handle this and that. But the most stressful result you get after the Vipassana technique itself starts (you are taught to breathe and control your mind for the first few days). What is changing? First, in the morning during meditation there are more people, almost no one snores, no one moves or leaves the hall. Everyone caught this chip and try to hone their skills. During strict meditations, you realize that, it turns out, you can sit absolutely still for an hour! Although the first time I was so shaken and sausage, I was sweating like a pig, the tears flowed in three streams, and I was so angry at the whole world, that I thought – right now there and the dawn. But when you correctly enter into vipassana and begin to feel your whole body, any rough or subtle sensation is a victory again. And so every time in small steps you move forward and deep into yourself. You are no longer interested in looking at the ceiling during your rest and dreaming or thinking about something. On the contrary, when I caught myself on some thoughts, I immediately got rid of them. And I do it so far. It is necessary to live not the past, not the future, but the current moment, this reality (and this is another invaluable advice that turned my life).
And if the first days I thought, when it will end, then later I meditated even during the rest. By the way, on the seventh or eighth day you can already train in the pagoda, and this was one of the best places for meditation.